Between the words "Still" and "Mom" in my blog name there lies a whole other story of a life that is messy and forgiving, full of failure and faith; one that waits to be written to anyone who wants to read and maybe even relate. It's a story that hopefully someday might give you a refreshing perspective and a hope you can take with you into your future of being a wife, a friend, a daughter or a mom. There's much to share between those two words. For a long time those two did not get along - did not fit like puzzle pieces within me - but now they do. There have been many years of learning and failing and crying and laughing and hitting a wall before those two united. But they united and it's a happy place to be at such a time as this.
Somewhere in between there's you and me and it got messy, yet forgiveness was a faithful friend; somebody always failed, yet our faith always led us back to our Savior - and that point right there has always been the binding agent that has kept us intact and talking and forgiving and in time, letting go to allow the "still" to become a part of me. I will always be "Mom", yet I have never really been a "Still Mom" ... until now. In me there is a calm and a peace that only can be explained through the lens of a God that is full of Grace and is defined as Love. I haven't gained the stillness (or even the happy) because you are no longer in my nest. No, that stillness (and happy) has been learned through the painful lesson of letting go when I wanted to hold tight for dear life to the very thing I had dreamed so long ago - a full nest of my own. And my happy doesn't come from your absence; on the contrary, it only comes from the discovery of being still.
And now my nest is empty - and my dream has been lived. And somewhere in between those two realities is a wonderful story of you.
It's a story that waits to be written. It's a story that comes with different perspectives. It's a story that has different authors.
It's a story somewhere in between you and me.
I love you, sweet, gifted, beautiful, smart daughters of mine! And I miss you more than you know.
Happily,
Still Mom
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