Sisters of a Different Culture

     I met a mom one day with 3 little ones actively at her side - or they were encouraged to be anyway.  She is a wife of a college professor who was on a visit with her husband to the Oregon Coast.  Your Dad and I had dinner with this family that evening and I am so glad we did.   This scene of mother making a great effort keeping her young children in tow while her husband chatted with your Dad reminded me of the year that we began our ministry journey with you three in tow at the fragile young ages of 4, 6, and 8.  It took me back to those beginning days of ministry when I had been in her shoes.

     That year began in you three a new culture of your very own.  It's called Third Culture Kids - and since you were never taken overseas but stayed within the States, your culture is specially named Domestic Third Culture Kids.

     I have been reading a book with just that name - Third Culture Kids by Ruth E. Van Reken - and I highly recommend anyone to read it to gain an understanding of first, who this culture speaks about, what this culture means, how this Culture has affected people like you and what it means for the rest of your life.  

     I think you have an unique story and life to reflect on and someday tell about, but first understanding it would be helpful. Understand maybe why you don't have one place to call home - except for where ever your parents are (and right now I realize that you may feel very unsettled within knowing there isn't a place we have rested on yet.  In fact, your dad and I are in-between places only because our vehicle has yet to be fixed and get us to the Washington Camp.  But then, that place will only be for a few months.  That can be a bit unsettling to me as well).   Understand maybe why you are the way you are, or have certain emotions, or favor one state or city over others.    I'm learning too.  

     Not having you here with me has caused me to think even more about our journey and the definition of Home - especially now as we search for where God would have us to be next. (I began writing this post before we knew we were heading to Washington).   We've been Nomads, but not wanderers - called to the work of ministry, but not one specific type. 

      I wonder how God will use our journey to write yours?

     Because I'm still Mom, I need to share with you that I don't take lightly the life you've had to grow up in - though, I can't say that I'm sorry for it; just that I am aware and wish to learn and understand with you. Hence, the book I suggested for reading.   Please know I am empathetic and want to listen if ever you all want or need to share with me about this. There's a whole big wide community out there that share your culture. 

And maybe you already know this ... and I'm the one behind. 

      As I think about that young mom of 3, I ask my myself one question:  would I do it all over?

My answer is a big YES! 

      I've raised some pretty awesome women who are leaders that love to serve others.  I couldn't have asked for better.  And I couldn't have asked for a better way of raising you.

I love you to the ice chest and back - because it holds the Keto snacks I made (Lol) ... 
And miss you so much my heart aches,

Mom

Best Plan Ever

     Benjamin Franklin once stated that "honesty is the best policy"; and honestly, I remember repeating that over the years.  I stand by Mr. Franklin's words, in fact, and will take it a bit further in adding that....

Honesty from my children will always cause me to think twice when I am tempted to give a negative reply, consequence or my own momma opinion.    Honesty will always be the best plan. 

Let me share a story from my oh so angelic childhood:

It was my sophomore year in high school and your grandparents were out with friends for the evening.  What they knew to be their truth was that I was going to be spending the night with my friend.  What they didn't know to be my truth was that I ran - on foot - a couple of miles to the high school dance where I knew I had not been approved or allowed to attend.  I'm not sure why I thought I was going to smell good after that run, but for some reason I really wanted and needed to go.  Later, a boy dropped me off at home - and for the life of me, I cannot remember what my excuse was when my parents found me home the next morning and not at my friend's house where I told them I would be.  At any rate, I didn't get caught - or so I thought to be my truth.  But that's not where it ends.

          For two weeks this hung over my head like molasses slowly dripping down.  By the end of that time it felt like an entire 5 gallons weighing heavy - and sticky - upon me.  

I had been caught ....  by me.  Which, in the spiritual reality of things, it was the Spirit in me who was lovingly correcting and encouraging me to tell on myself.  And so I did.  I was so overwhelmed with guilt and shame by then that I couldn't help but seek your Grandpa out with genuine tears in my eyes.  I shared the truth of the matter, he listened, and then he simply and quietly stated, "Thank you, Cindy, for telling me the truth".  He gave me a hug and that was that. 

 But that wasn't that, really.  My consequence was my guilty conscience - a Spirit-led one (because that's what the Spirit does.  He convicts and corrects and brings us back to reality). 

     You see, sometimes we get into a rut and we get afraid of disappointing someone or accept the fear of rejection into our life.  Those relate very well with the illusion that if I only tell half the truth or tell what they want to hear or lie altogether that they'll never find out or what they don't know won't hurt them - and those are called Deception.  And the truth of that matter is that if we only tell half the truth, the other half will eventually be found out; if we only tell what they want to hear, we are deceiving ourselves really and believing it; they most always find out the truth because most people are easy to read when they're lying - there are signs - and all this deception always hurts somebody else, including ourselves. 
   
     Dishonesty is lying is deception is evil is hurtful is sad is lonely.  Eventually, it will cause that person who is deep into it (one who lies out of habit) to become very very lonely at some point in their life.  And that's depressing to even think about.

     Okay, so here's the deal - because I'm still Mom - if you're a liar, a cheater, a stressed-out-binge-eater (or you fill in the blank) and you can't stop ..... and you want to ..... try this:

1. Acknowledge who you are and Who has you by speaking out Philippians 1:6 

"I am convinced and sure that He who began a good work in me will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in me."

2. Acknowledge who's behind your habit - where it comes from (John 10:10)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  You came, LORD, that I may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."

3. Give God your fears, disappointments, habits and weaknesses (2 Timothy 1:7)

"God has not given me a spirit of timidity and fear. He has given me a spirit of power and of love and of a calm and well-balanced mind, discipline and self-control."

RECLAIM WHAT'S BEEN GIVEN TO YOU WHEN YOU FIRST GAVE JESUS YOUR LIFE AND THEN LIVE IN IT!  Take back what is yours, not out of entitlement but out of love for your Lord who gave it to you;  and give back what is not yours (untruths, bad habits, deceit - those things that you were not meant to be, or that aren't the real you). 

     You may think I'm meddling, and that's okay, because adulthood is tough; it's just plain hard, and there are times you will wish you were a kid again climbing trees, painting with your fingers, stomping in rain puddles and acting like life is grand and there's a cherry on top of it.  And then there are times, like now, that you may need to listen up to what others - like Mom - are saying to gain a bit more wisdom to get through the next day, because you may be faced with a question that you need to answer truthfully - like a fork in the road, and you have no idea where those two roads lead to.  You just know you need to act fast and answer the question.  Just remember that honesty is always the best plan no matter what.  If you've got Jesus on your end, He will be your Defender if you stay honest.

I love you, Women of courage - that's what it takes to stay honest - COURAGE.  Be that!

I Miss you!

Mom   

I Is What I Is

     The title isn't a typo.  The proper grammar belongs to Jesus when He says, "I Am ...";  therefore, I will stick to what it is.  

     Frankly, that's just it - whether bad grammar, different accent, used apparel, or overweight - what we look or sound like on the outside is barely touching the surface.  Under the flawed and broken, or barbie-doll affect even, we will find a unique treasure hand-crafted into a masterpiece with a purpose for this world.  We will find a soul-searching, God-needing person that has a craving to be loved and to love.  We will find someone who we don't like sometimes and one that we do.  And for me, there is only one person that has the power and permission to change this person within - and that is Jesus, the great I AM.  

     This morning your Dad took me to Fred Meyers in Oregon.  It's similar to a Super Wal-Mart, but FM has a much better and larger clothing selection and area to choose from - not to mention, NO SALES TAX here!!  I haven't been feeling very pretty because of my weight and large clothes in which I feel like I'm swimming in and I didn't really bring anything nice to wear on this vacation.  An unplanned interview is coming up in the next day and my insecurity began making its way to the surface.  

     New clothes are a rarity in my closet because I don't much like buying for myself.  Though, today was different as red tag sales were blaring at me. Spring was everywhere in this store - pretty flowery colors that made me feel pretty just by looking at them.  So, as you can imagine - your Dad being the generous man that he is - helped me pick out a few spring blouses and a pair of smaller-sized jeans that actually fit!  I changed into my new outfit and am now feeling like a million bucks - or pretty tulips.   Tulips are blooming everywhere here.  They, too, give me a sense of pretty. 

     New and good fitting clothes, a new haircut, a little makeup and a somebody to speak a compliment to me - all of these satisfy my insecurity of feeling less-than what I ought to be.  What I ought to be feeling is that I is what I is because God made me and Jesus is doing a work in me.  In fact, He already has - I just need to accept that fact, be good with it and then live within that framework.  

     It's not the outside that is of worth - what people see.  It's the treasure that you allow to flow out of you - And honestly, if what's inside is good then the outside will be pleasing.

      Sweet daughters of mine - because I'm still Mom - if what others around you see or hear coming out is not much treasure worthy then the work that Jesus is doing in you may need to be reexamined and evaluated and considered by you.  Not that He needs to change, because what He's doing in you is an excellent and worthy thing.  

     I've witnessed beauty in all three of you and I'm so proud of you.  If you're anything like me, though, there will be insecurity that will lurk around wanting to devour the confidence and humility that you've grown to have.  Watch out for it.  It will sound rude and haughty or self-hate and disrespect to yourself will be evident.  Deception walks hand-in-hand with insecurity because there's no doubt that most times we are not aware of our insecurities when they present themselves.  Just be aware and then be ready to tackle it when you know.  

     You are gorgeous ladies who know who you is.  Just get out there and show it!  

I is who I is with love,

Mom

     

Where I Was At Your Age

     Funny how we think about things more when there is absence in the midst.  Absence of certain responsibility, like wondering what your children are up to in their bedrooms, or if they're on their way home from work, or if they're staying out of trouble at their friend's house or if they'll make it home by curfew.  We did have a curfew, right? 

     Heading into a turning point in my life I find myself reminiscing when I was your ages as you three are about to turn 24, 22, and 20. I remember those times were turning points in my life.   

      At age 20 I had moved over 2,000 miles to Chicago for school.  I left your Grandma crying on the front porch as I embarked on a new journey in life - much like one of you did a couple of days ago.  Only tears were shed by you and Dad - mine came later.  That was a tough year - it was fun and I learned a lot, but it was tough without my Mom and Dad there at a moment's notice.  But that adventure ended and I headed home a year or so later.  Just a couple of months later fell in love and got hitched with your Dad and started my new life at age 22.  And what newly married people do for the next several months resulted in our first beautiful daughter, and I was changed forever.  That was my 24th year.  

       Not that you all will mirror any of my turning points, but you might!  And really if you look at it, one of you has a 4 1/2 month old at almost 24, one of you has a serious boyfriend at almost 22, and one of you just flew the coop to literally fly 2,500 miles away.  Sooooo ......  

      Just funny, is all, at how things turn out, and how we think we might do one thing and end up doing another.    So, because I'm still Mom I'd like to add this: 

                     You can plan and save and desire, yet when it all comes down to it  

"We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it." Proverbs 16:9 (MSG)

I love you to the fridge and back,

Mom

   

Dear Three, It's Me

     This morning your Dad leans over and says, "Honey, we're empty-nesters!".  Don't remind me. 

      Today marks a turning point in your parents life as a day of freedom for all of us ... I guess.  Freedom from what?  From having to wake you up every morning, or remind you of one more eye-rolling rule you need to follow, or ask if you've done what we've asked you just a few minutes after asking, or informed you that your belly is showing or the dog needs walking, or or or ...?  Maybe you're the one who is more free now.  I'm just wandering around the house today wondering who I can control or annoy or tease now - accept for your Dad and the dog.   But after 25 years Dad has learned how to ignore me.  Ha!

      Twenty years ago Dad and I wanted our children to be 2 years or less apart so that we can "raise 'em and get 'em out" - not sure that I would have said that now that I'm here on the other side.  Though I'm thrilled to journey with your Dad only - and his dog - for the rest of my life, I think I will miss the nurturing side of raising you for sure.    I will miss taking care when you're sick, or offering a shoulder to cry on, or a hug when you need it, or listening to you ramble on about a cute boy or a new play coming out, or drying your tears when a friend doesn't treat you right.  Yes, I will miss being a hands-on Mom, because that's what moms do.

      One of you has already found the pleasure in calling me often and using technology to connect.  For that I am grateful!  You have flown and experienced, failed and got back up, and found success.  You have given me a Son-n-Law and made me a Grammie - and oh what joy!  To my other two - your wings are still fresh for adventure and freedom - and that's exciting!  I was your age once and I know what that feels like.  So FLY, BOTH OF YOU, FLY! 

But then call ... Because I'm still Mom.

      I'm proud of all of you and your Mama is excited to witness the transformation in you that will take place over the years.   Remember ....

Seek Him for everything,
                      Stand strong in your faith,
                                    Generous in your Love,
                                                        Joyful in your Hope!

I love you to the Fridge and Back -

                                              Mom

P.S.  Keep in touch and I'll Keep Keto -ing my way to the fridge and back ... haha! 
           No. Seriously though.